Airport Security

What is it about an expired driver's license that turns you into a terrorist? I am an idiot and somehow managed to forget that my driver's license expired two weeks before I tried getting on a plane to Chicago. The United Airlines check-in clerk at Sea-Tac Airport didn't seem to notice when she checked my license, but the dude checking at airport security sure did. He then asked me if I had any other forms of ID, such as a social security card, which isn't the smartest thing to be carrying on your person. Nevertheless, as I said before I am an idiot, and in this instance my idiocracy actually came in handy. I couldn't find my social security card at first, but I knew it was in there (I guess that's my own form of security - hide the card so well among business cards and things that not only could a burglar find it but neither could I). Security dude got tired of waiting for me to find something so he told me to go back to the United counter and tell them about my dilemma. I was still rummaging through my wallet as I begrudgingly trudged back to the counter (forgetting about my dad who had already gone through the line ahead of me and also had my cell phone) and finally found the SS card so I got right back in the line, which seemed to have grown longer in the meantime. Once I got up to the line, I flashed the card to the guy, who said "I told you before a social security card would work" (thanks, genius) and then proceeded through security like a normal human being/U.S. citizen.

At O'hare, on the way back, the United clerk actually managed to notice the expiration date and I got "special treatment" from there on out. Basically, it meant I got a star punched on my boarding pass, which means my bag I checked was supposed to be checked extra carefully (which it wasn't because another United employee put the bag on the conveyor belt before it could be properly marked) and I got personally escorted by a heavyset black woman to line 1 - aka "the terrorist line". Going through this line means every carry-on bag is thoroughly searched (no bowling ball candles get by them) and every person is given the "pat down" (not by the heavyset black woman). Despite all this, this time I got through security about 5 minutes before my dad did.

But what is it about an license that expired two weeks prior that makes me a terrorist? I'm still the same person, as evidenced by the picture, and I hail from the State of Washington, which is where I was the first time. Do they think I've moved to Iran in the meantime? I really can't imagine a scenario where a terrorist would try using an expired driver's license. And why was I able to get through the normal US-citizen line by presenting a social security card? It's just a card with a 9-digit number on it and my signature (which looks nothing like the signature on my driver's license since I signed it so long ago). The driver's license tells way more about me, and yet it gets trumped by a 9-digit number should it expire. Also, why didn't the security guy at SeaTac just point me toward the "terrorist line" as soon as he saw the expired license? It seems to me that would have been the whole point of going back to the United counter anyway. Whatever logic is there eludes me.

Oh, and for anyone that wants to try and burgle my wallet, I no longer carry my SS card. Sorry to disappoint.